Some statements on a car insurance form:

I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment.

I thought my window was down, but I found it was up when I put my head through it.

Seen in a Serbian hotel:

The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.

In a Japanese hotel:

You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.

Lobby of a Moscow hotel in front of a Russian Orthodox monastery:

You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and ex Soviet composers, artists and writers are buried daily, except on Thursday.

Also in Moscow:

If this is your first visit to Russia, you are welcome to it.

Bangkok dry cleaners:

Drop your trousers for best results.

Hong Kong tailor shop:

Ladies may have a fit upstairs.

Hong Kong dentist:

Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.

Norwegian cocktail lounge:

Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.